"I don't want to go to school anymore!!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO!  I HATE YOU!!"

As they said in the old west: them's fightin words.  And I felt myself rising to take the bait!  There's something deep inside the brain stem that gets activated sometimes... I'm the silverback gorilla, and this young upstart wants to be Alpha Male, and I feel the urge to "put him in his place...

Thankfully I have higher brain functions that can intervene!  First, check in with myself: what do I feel?  I feel anxiety and anger!  I want him to go to school so we can go to work and we can all be there on time. 

Underneath that, what do I really need?  I need peace, I need harmony...and I've learned that needs are not dependent on anyone else but me.  So I breathe into that space where I have peace and harmony right here, right now.

I remember that I have choice!  And if I engage with him, it's just going to fuel the fire.  Yes, I need to hold a firm line here, but I can also be understanding.  Sometimes, when the "storms" of emotion arise, I can ride them out by just being there and looking at my child and wait it out.  Eventually, the storm passes, he models my non-reaction, and then we can really address the issue at hand.  Other times, some reflection is in order. In this case, we were a bit late in waking him and now were rushed to get out the door!

"You really don't want to go to school! I hear that.  Thsi really stinks for me!  I wish I could let you stay at home, but Mom and I need to get to work and Naia needs to get to school, so we will be leaving shortly.  I have breakfast ready for you, so you just need to get dressed and we're leaving in 20 minutes".

"But I hate school!!"

"I'm happy to talk with you about that tonight, we can work out whatever isn't working for you at school"

"No! I'm not going!"

I just pause.  I should note that I said all the above with all the calm I could muster!  Now I wait, just wait.  It takes about 2 minutes (seems like forever!)

"I guess I'm being a jerk, huh?" he says sheepishly.

"No, you just have some big feeligs about this! We'll talk more later and see what we can do?"

And we do!  Yes, due to life necessities, I had to force him out the door, but the key is taking a long term view and follow up on his needs. Let them know that they matter too!